She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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