After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Did you pee in the oven last night??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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