I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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