i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
