i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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