Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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