The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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