this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
