Only a mothe r could love this liver
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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