can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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