She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
