getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
