I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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