Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
