Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
