Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
