i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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