Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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