I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
