One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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