Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
