Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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