My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just had sex on a roof
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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