So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
