Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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