If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
