Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
