I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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