I am in a vortex of obligation.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My ATM looks so different sober.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
