....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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