apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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