Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
