If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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