He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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