Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
