I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
