when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
