I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
