you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
