yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
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