I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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