On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
