last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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