I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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