i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
