Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
