We named our party play list daddy issues
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
