i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
