I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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