I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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