He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
