By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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