I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
