Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
