While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize