if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
