I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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