After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
