I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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