dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha