i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.