I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize