"it" just moved
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Walk of Shame today included voting.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
