Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
