So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
