my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
