Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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