my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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