ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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