This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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