He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
