and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
