the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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