Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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