How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
