Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
