We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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