Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
