he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
