how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
