Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
