Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
