My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
