I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
