The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I believe in your delicious
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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