see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
