I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
