im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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