You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
